Archive for the 'on self' Category

(Chronologically Listed)


Why Bother?

Ever since the months of steroids, feeling like crud, and dealing with hypertension and other maladies, my general approach to my appearance has been “why bother?” This is not to say that I leave the house wearing raggedy sweats and days of body odor. Not at all. I’m clean. My clothes are clean. But the […]

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Lung Disease & Shifting Perspectives-Part II

The Crap I seem to have a very ridiculous default position. No matter how far I’ve come, or how many years I’ve had in therapy, when the world starts falling down around me, my default belief is that I am deserving of punishment. Whatever is happening: health problems, marital difficulty, or zombie uprising, the belief […]

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Lung Disease & Shifting Perspectives

I call this diptych, Perspectives. It’s the same shot with two different processings. When I look at it, I find my eyes being drawn to one interpretation of these water droplets, then moving to the other. Somber/heartening. Moody/incipient. I cycle back and forth with evocation. This diptych represents my life during the past two months. […]

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Welcome Home, Sistah

Something about South Africa makes me believe in the improbability of blood memory, the concept that our historical roots and connections reside in some spectral remnant within our consciousness, wakening only when we visit places significant to our history…to our story. How else to explain the resonance, the sense of belonging, that overwhelms me whenever […]

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Lelli Kelly Fail!

I’m a bit tweaked right now. And before I get into it, let me say that I’m glad that my brother is currently not speaking to me, otherwise I know he’d have to attack me again for “thinking too much.” I’m happy that I don’t have that devaluation from my family to deal with as […]

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It’s All Fun & Games ‘Til Someone Shifts The Paradigm

I had to think of a unifying theme for these two little sniglets of stories I wanted to share tonight. They are unrelated and divergent enough that coming up with a unifying theme was a bit of a challenge. Yet when I put my thinking cap on, I realized that both reflected my increasing tendency […]

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Your Life In 100 Words: An Exercise

Happy New Year to all my bloggy friends! I’ve been spending a little time in another blogging community and someone posted an interesting challenge that I thought would be fun for us to do here as well. It’s a toughy, but see what you come up with:  Describe your entire life in a single paragraph […]

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Leaving

I’m leaving. No, not on a midnight train to Georgia. I am, however, leaving CHOP and the job I’ve held for the past 12 years. Today was my farewell party. I wore my cutest little skirt/top combo, thanks to Loehmann’s, and even put on some eye makeup (though I am horrible with my liquid liner). […]

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Pregnancy Fantasy

I guess I can confess this now without feeling ashamed for having been filled with hope. I have this problem with hope. I don’t feel entitled to it. That shame that I have lived with so long has made me feel that I don’t deserve to have hope about something good happening, since only bad […]

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Sad Sunday

I hate to start my journal on a downcast note, but I’m not so great today. If I wait until I feel better to begin my journal, it might be some time before I get started. I’ll introduce myself. I’m Liana. I’ll be 40 in a few days. I’m a recently married (1st time) adolescent […]

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